1. The Uniform Situation

At least once in every nurse's career, a patient has looked at them — scrubs on, stethoscope around their neck, badge clipped to their chest — and asked if they're the doctor.

This is not the funny part.

The funny part is the patient then turning to the actual doctor — who is wearing a wrinkled fleece and holding a coffee — and asking him the same question.

The doctor says yes.

The nurse carries on.

2. "I Googled It"

The three most terrifying words in healthcare. Not because patients shouldn't be informed — they absolutely should. But because the Google-to-panic pipeline is real, and at some point you will stand next to a man who is convinced his mild indigestion is a rare tropical disease that he found on a forum at 1am.

You will nod. You will explain. You will order the test that proves it's indigestion.

He will thank the doctor.

3. The Family Member Who Manages

Every patient has one. The family member who "manages" the situation. They have a notebook. They have a list of questions. They would like to know your qualifications, your shift schedule, your five-year plan, and whether the hospital has considered switching to a more holistic approach.

You answer everything. Professionally. Calmly.

Later, in the break room, you do a very good impression of them to your colleague who laughs so hard she snorts her lunch.

This is called processing.

4. The 4am Request

A patient has been sleeping. The ward is quiet. You have six things happening simultaneously and none of them are simple.

The call light goes on.

You answer.

"Can I get some water?"

They have a water cup. On the tray. In front of them. You watch them look at it as you hand them the pitcher.

"Oh," they say.

You go back to your six things.

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